Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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