P.S. I can't hear my feet
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
