ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
