Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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