community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
