great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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