Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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