I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
