This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
