Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I have peed in a lot of sinks
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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