Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
