call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
