So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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