i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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