I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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