You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Randomize
