If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
