Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
