This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
