their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
