Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
