wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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