My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
