this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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