cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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