dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
love makes seman taste better
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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