Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
