btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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