Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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