Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
