I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize