how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
