he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
