So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
