i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
