A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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