Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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