Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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