Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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