I think i peed on brittanys purse
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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