He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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