Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
