Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
