it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
