I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
