we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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