Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
