I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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