Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
