I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
