you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
