apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
