I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
